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Amo Ergo Sum


Photo Leander Syrieix

Since I met you, I no longer imagine my life without You. Yet I sometimes get away from You, to forget you for a few moments. When this happens to me, I become more aware of the solid bond that unites us.

With You I share my existence, not because I am sickly dependent, but because of the reciprocal Love that dwells in us. My breathing is nothing more than our Love. How can I stop loving you? Indeed, it would assume that I no longer live to the extent that the absence of breathing is synonymous with the absence of life, that is to say, death with regard to our human conception.

The Love that binds us keeps me alive. But how can I explain the fact that I often forget you during a day in the tumult of my occupations? I am only aware of it when we converse so before I fall asleep, so when I make personal reading of my day. Obviously, forgetting at certain moments of my day reflects my imperfection, the mystery of what “I love you” although I am not entirely present to You.

Finally, forget you at certain times of the day does not mean I do not love you, that I do not live anymore, but instead that you are precious to me because it only lasts a short time. When I see you again in the evening, I enjoy more your presence.

In fact, your Love does not leave me and has never abandoned me, for it accompanies me throughout my days, it gives me life. Moreover, you know well that mine is also permanently present, even unconsciously.

Your Love makes me grow and regulate my days. Your love is my life. For example, it happens to me during my days, in the midst of my occupations, to meet trials or to live moments of anger during which I drowned until my gaze turned towards your Love which Is life, even unconsciously, raises me such situations.

How does the simple fact of thinking about your Love make me a being alive, a different being, a standing person, a being attentive to what is going on around him, a person open to the other and to the world? Obviously, there is nothing to understand, for no word can translate this fact, this inner experience.

This love between us reveals to me every day something new about me, about you, about our future. No one can understand the breath that inhabits and animates us, this flame that burns within us without living it personally. In fact, we live on this Love without living more in ourselves.

Your love makes me die in the world and live only from you. Yet, it often happens that I am not perfect. How can imperfection and perfection survive in me? In fact, I am so imperfect that it is only your Love that can make me a standing being and able to love since this Love is stronger and bigger than all.

When I say “I love you,” what do I mean exactly? Indeed, I really do not know. But, all I know is that “I love you”. No word allows me to explain it. In any case, this can not be explained. To show you my Love is, I think, a vain undertaking, since all that I can do will never be enough to express it. It is enough that I live so that the Love is seen or “understood”.

The idea of “breathing” comes back to me! It is only in fact that which can at this moment express, express or show this Love. But, what is breathing? Or, what is breathing? Honestly, I will not know how to explain it except to simply breathe, live, love you. If I do not breathe, I no longer live, and therefore I can not love you as my breath is my love for you.

When I stop breathing, it will mean that I will have ceased to live, I will have stopped being aware of this Love for you, not that I will have stopped loving you. By the way, it’s not totally true! I am suddenly convinced that even by stopping to breathe, in another posture, that is to say from the point of view of the afterlife, I will love you infinitely, in a way which Is not currently in my power to explain.

I believe in the life to come. And by extension, from the point of view of the afterlife, I will continue to live, to breathe, and thus to love you. Death, understood as a passage from this life to the one to come and not as an “eternal death,” will open the door of a blessed life and everything else with You. So, as long as I live, I will love you, for I will live without living in me. Only your Love will make me live.

© Leander Syrieix

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